Stone Cold Crazy
by Calico Yorki
Summary: In which we find out when you hole up Delina the Crafting Faerie in her house with a manic, destructive young Neopet who's recently been orphaned. Guess who that is? You have to read to find out. Rated M for un-Neopian cursing and questionable content.


**Author's Note:**

WARNING: This FanFic Is Incredibly Silly.

Silly Idea, Silly Author, Silly Antics, Silly Silly Silly.

If You Do Not Like Whimsical Things, This Is Not For You.

Also, If You Ignored The Mature Warning When You Shouldn't Have And Have Never Seen A Neopets Author Use The Word "Fuck" Before...

...

Well, You Have Now!

Enjoy.

It was an average morning for Delina. That being she woke up face-down in a basket of yarn with no recollection of what she had even been making. Judging from the bright mint green and lavender colors, it was probably a passive-aggressive gift for Jhudora. Jhudora and Delina had a very special relationship, ever since they first met. Jhudora took a distinct glee from picking on Delina, and Delina loved playing passive-aggressive with the cantankerous, ominous Faerie. This was probably going to be a cute little sweater she'd give to Jhudora as a purposefully-late birthday present. Niiice and tight to show off Jhudora's underwheling bust. Hell, Delina would be shocked if Jhudora didn't send a few _close_ Neopet helpers to fetch her some training bras once in a while. Honestly, Jhudora would be blessed to have a sweater that matched her hair so perfectly. Besides, everyone looks great in lavender. _Everyone._

After trying and failing a few times to get back to sleep, Delina heaved herself out of the yarn basket and picked off a few pieces of the light-hued material. She'd been drooling again. Lovely. Picking the basket up and placing it on her shelf, Delina tugged her curtain aside to look out the window. A surprised look crossed her face. "Damn," she muttered. "Still dark as pitch out there. Guess my Dark Faerie instincts for being a night owl are kicking in again." With a shrug, she put on a light jacket due to the faint chill in her house and made her way over to the kitchen. She had no need for lamps, as her night vision was flawless; like most of her kind, Delina was perfectly suited for getting up to no good in the deep night and the wee hours of the morning. Today, she was going to get up to serious mischief in the kitchen. This was going to be mischief like no other. If she was lucky, she wouldn't have to break into her potion cupboard to heal burns or broken bones.

Unlike most Faeries, Delina preferred to get things done with as little magic as possible. This was a well-known and widely acknowledged fact. Many fellow Dark Faeries acknowledged this quirky preference by sticking bugs in her food, pouring a whole shaker of salt into her water bottle at work, randomly switching her tools with certain _other_ long, cylindrical objects...It was a good thing that Delina had just as much talent in pranks and had unmatched aplomb when it came to ignoring opponents who bashed her way of life. This way of life also meant she had to learn to cook for herself without any aid of magic. She got by just fine, with a little help from the Soup Faerie. "Let's see," she hummed, searching through the fridge. "I'll have to pick up some more food next time I'm out somewhere...Faerie Eggs. Huh. Didn't know we laid eggs. News to me." Giggles broke from her. "I don't know _what_ Jhudora's talking about, I'm the most mature Faerie _going_, short of the Queen!" Taking out the pale pink carton with its swirled purple cloud design, Delina also fished out some Faerie Sausage. There were endless jokes to be had with _that_ one but they could wait until she had an audience.

After heating up the stove, dicing the sausage, and carefully negotiating the egg and said meat product within the pan, Delina had a very delicious-smelling omelette. Not to mention that it was _just so pretty._ Delina had no idea where the phantasmal pink and purple wings had come from. She never figured out where they came from. It was probably a secret known only to Fyora and her closest advisors. Delina was surprised by how hungry she was, and by how fast she wolfed down the omelette. Once she was done, she decided to just go ahead and scrub the pan, plate, and utensils down in the sink. Drying them off, Delina stretched languidly before heading back to her bedroom and workshop. Somehow just _knowing_ she'd have a hard day of work ahead of her, Delina got dressed and headed out to her small house's front room. She wasn't even able to take a seat before someone furiously knocked on her door.

With a heavy, tired sigh, Delina headed over to the door, unlocked it, and opened it. What met her eyes was the Healing Fountain Faerie, hair askew and eyes wild. A blue Zafara with stringy, almost-black dark blue hair was trying to tug her way out of the Faerie's grasp. However, before Delina could speak, the Water Faerie outside swept her tail under the Zafara's feet and used the opportunity to shove her against Delina. The Faerie outside seethed, "You take her, my friend found her adrift, I'm not keeping this brat any longer, all she does is scream when I want her to behave or just blow up things, the whole cheerful, carefree thing is your schtick and you can keep her hands busy with your handicrafts, just keep her away from anything important before she blows up the Wheel of Excitement or something!" Screaming, she air-swam away as fast as she could.

A moment of silence passed. Then, Delina looked down at the soot-covered, gangly Neopet in her arms. Their eyes were locked for several moments, and Delina could feel her mouth getting dry at the increasingly awkward situation. "Well," she finally said, "Would you like to see what I have 'round here?" The Zafara's eyes narrowed as she stared up at Delina. This girl had the eyes of someone who'd killed people repeatedly. "_Fan-tucking-fastic,_" Delina muttered under her breath as the Zafara wandered off to look at Delina's home.

While she was distracted by a musical box, Delina decided to look through one of her many stashes. Copper wire, regular, silvery wire, some construction paper, some glitter, a couple of rubies, and an emerald. She supposed that she could make a nice little ring or something out of the stuff in there. On a hunch, Delina turned on her heel and walked back into her main room. The music box had been disassembled and its components were scattered about the floor. Sat on the carpet like some child putting together a toy, the Zafara was hashing together wires and cogs in a very specific configuration. Next, she reached down the front of her shirt and from her chest fur retrieved a little red disk.

It was at that moment that Delina's survival instincts surpassed her desire to use magic as little as possible. A simple spell sent the disk flying out of the Zafara's grasp and into Delina's hand. Scowling, the Crafting Faerie inspected tiny black text on the back. "_Warning_," she began in a flawless invocation of a disapproving mother. "_This BLASTING CAP is violently explosive in concert with heat or electricity and is only to be used by professionals. SLOTH DETONATION MUNITIONS INC. will not pay for damages to life or property caused by our products. Please buy from us again._" Turning the blasting cap over and over in her knuckles, Delina tapped her foot. "Look at me." The Zafara was scowling over at the wall. "Look at me." Finally, her eyes were turned to glare at Delina. The steely gaze they were met with caused the Zafara girl to flinch.

Only a few minutes of disapproving eyes got the Zafara to cave. "It's all I know how to do, demmit!" She huffed repeatedly, squirming in anger. "I've been making bombs all my life! It's what kept me on the Revenge! Or, well...Before...You know." She suddenly seemed to deflate slightly. With a sigh, Delina tucked the blasting cap down the front of her shirt and walked over cautiously. Laying a hand on the Zafara's shoulder, Delina squeezed gently. Despite herself, the Crafting Faerie gave a little smile as the Zafara laid her dusty cheek against the back of her slender, lavender-toned hand.

That was until she caught a whiff of the Zafara up close. She smelled of sweat, grime, black powder, and seawater. It was _not_ pleasant. It happened to be the _opposite_ of pleasant as a matter of fact. To be honest, it made Delina's eyes water and she gave half a gag the first time it wafted up to her. That could knock a Chia Clown off a cart of vanilla cream pies it was so pungent. Delina asked her flatly, "When was the last time you had a bath?" No response was given for a moment. The Zafara knew she'd been had.

"Uhhh..." She flicked her eyes up to look at Delina. She chewed her lip slightly. Delina stared down at her expectantly. "Um...Define _bath_." A yowl broke loose from her as Delina hooked her hands under the Zafara's armpits and tugged her to the bath. Already, her spaulder was unbuckled and tossed on the floor and her vest was being unbuttoned. "Stoppit! This is indecent and yer a Faerie who shouldn't be doing indecent things!"

Delina chuckled, taking her own goggles off. "Luckily for me, all the other Faeries are used to be being crude. C'mon, I'll set you up a bubble bath." She shook her head, going for her own belt. "Seriously, I'll need to invent a whole new kind of brush to get these clumps of dirt out of your fur. How did you get all these ashes on you?"

"Duuuh! I _make_ _bombs!_ How do you _think_ I got all o' this ash on me?"

"You'd better not get used to that back-talk, scooter."

"Sorry."


End file.
